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Graduation Presentation


This journey started with a death - a death that transformed itself into a life. When I was twenty-eight years old I died. Well, my heart didn't quite stop, but it was desperately wounded. And my brain wasn't completely starved of oxygen, but it did go into a state of dormancy. When I came back into the light I had to learn how to speak another language because I entered the world in another land.

My death is figurative, of course, but I might as well have died when, on February 23, 1995, my two-year-old daughter died as a result of a seizure. Then again it was on that same day that I was born into a more conscious and more present world. It has been a long labor - one that I've had many coaches to guide me through along the way.

Like Dante on his journey through the Comedia I have also visited with the dead along the way. Step by step through precarious ground I have walked both tentatively and intrepidly finding a new language. I have had my guides throughout - each with their intended purpose as the need arose. Sometimes it was I who chose to embark on or disembark from my journey with them and sometimes they appeared or disappeared when I was unaware of their movement.

For a long time it has been grief that has motivated me. Having experienced it I knew I needed to conquer it or it was going to destroy me. Losing my daughter made me question everything that I had been taking for granted. The path that had been set forth before me ever since I was a child no longer - if indeed it ever had - suited me. My mind became my own and the path before me - at least for a ways - became clear. I would have faith in wherever the road led. And over the last 3 years it has led me to a better understanding of how I have been affected by profound loss. I have re-evaluated memories, both personal and genetic, in order to gain new perspectives on their causes and their far-reaching effects. And I have been blessed, with the birth of my son, to be able to let go of grief and to focus on joy. 

I am an interdisciplinary artist working within the praxis of academia and creativity.  My inspiration primarily comes from seemingly obscure and specific primitive historical subjects such as the history of the color red, the private lives of ancient Romans, and ancient female symbology as well as the aesthetics of the Dead Sea Scrolls. 

My tools include photography, cloth, thread, found objects, beeswax, frankincense, and fire. I strive to capture an awareness of the moment of change - of liminality. Holding on to memories and the awareness of the value of life are central themes in my art. I am inspired by the sublime within the awesome nature of vast spaces. There are spirits within these spaces that are imbued with wisdom. They tell me that I am a part of something grander than my physical existence. I am also drawn to small objects that show age such as coins, hand-hewn nails, skeleton keys, river glass, old spectacles, etc. Their narratives speak to me; they prove that traces of the past remain with the living. I search for traces of my past that can give meaning to who I am. With these objects I am able to hold on to a bit of history.

I am moved by art that recognizes the finality of existence such as 17th century Dutch vanitas which show the ephemeral nature of existence in the form of still life, including objects like skulls, flowers, and fruit.  Nineteenth century American memento mori photographs - memorial images taken of the deceased - also play an influential role in my work. I see these not only as reminders of the futile struggle to survive, but also as aide memoires for valuing life while it exists.

I create art within the context of life at any given moment in order to solidify knowledge that I wish to remember. My work, however, is not meant to be archival. It is meant to be seen as a re-emergence of memory, much as the Dead Sea Scrolls were when they were rediscovered in the mid-twentieth century.

Although I usually flesh out guidelines for each piece I make, I work instinctively and allow for each step of my process to guide me to whatever the outcome may be. I have learned to welcome the unexpected into my process. It is these unexpected occurrences that have most profoundly defined me and the art that I create.

 


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